The Pain...

27th February, 2009..Saturday. It was QiaoYi's second injection treatment on her scar. Her first treatment did not see much improvement as the doctor used only half strength of the medicine for the injection. According to him, he has to be very careful for first treatment to avoid overdosed. The scar on her right thigh actually feel softer now after the first treatment and it is also slightly flattened. However, not much improvement visible on her lower abdomen.

Qiaoyi was checked in on that very early morning of Saturday. She behaved normally and was chatty while waiting patiently for the anaesthestist to check on her condition before going into the operating theater. Fear was no where to been on her sweet little face. I felt relieve....!

As I followed her into the operating theater...my heart started to beat rapidly. I could feel the pain slowly emerging from my heart. I pretended to be cool while walking along with her. She was lying down on the bed and pushed by the nurses to the surgery room. Just before reaching the room, she waved her hand to me and trying to reach out to me...i grabbed her little hand and just not willing to let go.

Qiaoyi was still calm when arrived at the theater. The anaesthesia put the mask on her face to let her inhaled the gas. Her emotion became unstable and started to cry. She was scared . She was afraid of the injection. My heart was crying too while trying to console her and told her that everything will be all right. She put up some struggle before snoozing off 10 minutes later.

As I walked out from the room, I just could not control myself and let my tears ran down. My husband kept asking me what happened when he saw me running into the ward ! I just couldn't answer him as i was really sad and lost of words...the only thing I could feel was the pain in me, my heart was squeezing......men are usually less sensitive and show less emotional, i guessed.

In fact, I was quite calm during her first treatment recently. But this time ..i just couldn't control myself thinking of her, although i knew that this is the most suitable treatment for her.

I prayed hard to God while waiting in the ward and seeking God's help to heal her and end her pain. 25 minutes later, I was requested to see and accompany her by her bedside when the treatment was completed. She was very much in sleep...with thick blanket covered her body, even her hair and soft pillows tucking at both side . Guessed this would make her feel more secured while in sleep...just like the little tiny baby sleeping inside the womb of a mother !

I waited about 20 minutes before she woke up suddenly and tried to pull away the oxygen mask on her face. She started to cry after regaining her consciousness and complained about pain on her scar areas. I am in pain too little sweet heart...you are not alone.

Qiaoyi was discharged in the afternoon and has to go back for follow up check up on the coming Saturday. The doctor will determine 2 weeks later if she need to go for third treatment...i really hope not..!!

We have a hard time explaining to her why she must go through the treatment over and over again and made her understand her scar condition, and also to remove the fear in her. In fact, she was really traumatised since the day one she suffered the burn and also the many trips to hospital for dressing and removal of dead skin had in fact frightened her.

We are hoping that her scar condition will improve soon with all these treatments taken. One thing for sure, Qiaoyi is not alone in her journey of recovery and she will not shoulder the pain by herself as we are going through this together with her, no matter what. The pain in her is as much as in us....